What are you looking at?

I could feel the eyes upon us.  The curious stares.  The, what the heck is wrong with that kid, looks in people's eyes.    I was at the grocery store with my oldest.   Normally during the day when my children are with me in the store I am used to a few looks.  Mainly non judgmental but curious looks about why isn't that child in school.  We had just finished up at the dentist.

My son is a very sensory sensitive child.  He gets overloaded easily with stimuli.  Any change in his routine makes it difficult for him to calm down.  Not only was he out of school before lunch but he had just had nitrous gas at the dentist.  He was overly concerned with the fact that he couldn't feel half of his mouth.  Most children that have the famous laughing gas at the dentist are a bit loopy.  Sometimes for my son it makes it overly edgy.

On a good day my son flaps his hands, and hums to himself off and on all day.  The more stimulated he is the more the will stim.  Some days if he is under stimulated he will stim.  My son is a stimmer to say the least.  He has set patterns of hand movements he does.  They vary in intensity   Sometimes they are small movements sometimes he stims so hard you can hear him across the room.

Aisle after aisle in the grocery store my son bounced along.  Moving his hands to a rhythm that only he could hear in his head.  Humming along to some tune nobody else could hear.  As I pushed my cart through the store he followed me.  Humming and bouncing and stimming and twirling occasionally.  One by one the fellow shoppers stopped what they were doing to watch him.  Looking at him curiously.  Wondering what was "wrong" with that kid.   In my mind he was well behaved.  He followed me and helped me fill the cart.  He didn't fuss or complain or ask for items.

But I could feel the stares.  I saw the dirty looks.  The shaking of heads.  I am sure many of them were looking at him and at me wondering why the heck didn't I discipline my child in the store.  What kind of a mother would allow their child to hum and dance and flap his hands at a grocery store.  Well this kind of mother.  The kind of mother, who understands, that his behavior serves a purpose for his body.  The kind of mother who is allowing her son to be him.  Regardless of how it looks.

Moki